Nearly every testimony, whatever else it includes, includes a variation on one sentence, "I know the Church is true." When Mormons say this they are making several types of claims about truth and religion. Their claims are generally:
- Absolute--Though if you were to question a Mormon outside of church they would likely allow that there are some flaws in the church, at testimony meeting they mean that the whole church is true--its doctrines, teachings, policies, manuals, publications, and anything else that is officially from the church.
- Denominational--Mormons are literalists about their testimonies. When they say the church is true, they are saying that their denomination is the correct one, not that the denomination has simply gotten them closer to God (though they do mean that too).
- Non-comparative--Mormon testimonies aren't making comparative claims--that Mormonism is more correct than Lutheranism, for example. Most don't know enough about other denominations or religions to make those claims. They are simply saying that by their lights, the church is true.
- Social, experiential, and hierarchical--Because they are not making theological, historical, or comparative claims about truth, Mormons instead make social claims (the church is true because the members of the church have made me feel like part of the body of Christ), experiential claims (the church is true because I have felt it to be true via the spirit, and by being active in it I feel God's love), and hierarchical claims (I trust the authority of the church, from Joseph Smith down to the present. And because I trust it, I am willing to follow its leaders).
Now Mormons say many other things in their testimonies--they express love for their families and for God, they tell stories, they recount answers to their prayers. But at the core of testimony meeting is the assertion of these claims about the truthfulness of the church. This level of faith and at-homeness is inspiring. But if the truth claims don't work for you, it makes it difficult to find a place to fit or a way to stay and feel honestly that you are in the right place for your own spiritual growth and relationship with God.
I am one of those people, for whom the categories of truth claims don't entirely work. That may indicate that I should really follow a different denomination. But in my looking I haven't found one that is "right" or "true" by the standards of Mormon testimonies.
So I am trying to take a page from other approaches to testimony and faith-- from Quakers who speak only when moved upon, from Christians who testify of Christ first, and their church second, from Jews who find cultural ways to stay affiliated and who have a range of official approaches to Judaism to choose from, from Catholics who stay faithful by their own lights even while trying to make peace with their long and flawed history, and from Buddhists who were warned by the Buddha to doubt dogma because it turns a search for reality into a a search for a theory of reality.
So for me the answer now to the question that titles this post is not to abandon the church, but to abandon the categories of testimony that get in the way of understanding and describing my relationship with God truthfully.
